Almost Positive

This week the guys break records with an almost 4 hour long episode. The rants are towering infernos of nothing but flames and fire. Social justice fills the air and unity illuminates the path forward as special guest and local entrepreneur (Check out RiseRevolt Clothing) Ulysses joins, in-studio, to help sort through the mess of the riots and protests in Chicago. First everyone shares a few stories about the riots. Then they have a new guest, Trey Johnson, co-host of NintenDomain Podcast, where they get into all things Nintendo. He shares insights into podcasting, some Nintendo news and his own experience with the riots in his neighborhood. The second half of the show kicks off in full gear as Ulysses gets the ground to give us the low down on everything that's been going on in Chicago since the murder of George Floyd at the hands of former police officers Derek Chauvin, Tou Thao, J. Alexander Kueng and Thomas Lane. He gives us the full picture of how the Latino community in Chicago has shown support for the fight against police brutality and how the media has been inaccurately portraying the whole situation. Ulysses gives eye witness reports of events and brings us hope that unity might be possible. For the last part of the show we get some news. The gentlemen also discuss new Chicago legend the Dread-head Cowboy, who has been bringing joy to Chicagoans during these trying time, which Van considers to be a moot point. We learn how big corporations are showing solidarity to the people in the struggle, including Lego and dating app Grindr. We hear some words of wisdom from the legendary Immortal Technique and watch as police keep abusing their power. They leave the show with a positive note on how the police, and local gangs joined forces during the riots and almost started a race war. 

This week we get a special edition episode! The guys have Carlos Townsend, long time friend of the show and even longer time friend of Van and Sir Rollington. In addition this is Almost Positive’s first in-studio session! Social Distancing be damned. At the top of the show Carlos shares his thought on the murder of Geroge Floyd at the hands of police officers Derek Chauvin, Tou Thao, J. Alexander Kueng and Thomas Lane. Carlos then gets moving from Milwaukee, WI to Cicero, IL, where he was one of the only black kids in a town (at the time, made up of an over 80% Hispanic population). He digs into the positive and negative experiences he had including people wanting to touch his hair, why he talks the way he’s always talked and his efforts to change people’s minds through his actions. Carlos also shares his experiences as a registered Republican, where he actually falls on the political spectrum (Left wing libertarian) and having voted for Trump in 2016. Sit back, relax, light some herbs and listen as we talk to one of the good ones.

This week the guys get into the tragic incident that took place in Minneapolis where four police officers took the life of unarmed George Floyd. We then find out that Almost Positive has been crossing borders throughout the world, or maybe just being listened to through VPNs. The gentlemen then talk to an insightful southern woman of mystery who goes by Etti Purselane. She walks the guys through the history of an ancient lineage of of people that have been holding secret knowledge through out human history and are still reaching havoc on the people of earth. They also discuss Atlantis, Ancient Egypt and how it all ties into our modern experiences. After that the guys are joined by Royce a new friend to the show who has known Sir Rollington for years, when they served together as kitchen sluts. Royce shares his perspective on the loss of George Floyd at the hands of police brutality and shares his experiences with police harassment and the fact that he feels that he wakes up suspect every day in America. For the news they talk about Karens and the Bird watcher situation that happened in New York, the negative economic repercussions of saving money during the covid crisis and finally they give a shout out to Sudan, where female genital mutilation is finally being outlawed.

This week the guys are joined not by one guest, not by two, but by 3 brilliant minds. At the top of the show they get into Joe Biden's peek behind the Democratic machine's mindset about black people, after which they talk about the situation that unfolded in Brunswick, Georgia where a couple good ol' boys shot Ahmaud Arbery while he was either out for a brisk jog or robbing houses. After the sobering conversation about death and destruction they touch on ASMR and show-favorite, Cardi B's fascination with weird sounds. The gentlemen also pour out a cool 40 oz for "Double Rainbow Guy" Paul Vasquez as well as a few others we've recently lost, including Joe Biden's chances at being president. Making his triumphant return to the show is Jairo, aka Jamal, aka Jerome, AKA David (his new name). He takes us down another internet rabbit hole involving Australian infomercials, Icelandic penis museums, and progressive African preachers. To close this week's Destination unknown the guys take a quiz to determine how straight they are not. The show is then graced by Chicago Witch Emma Von Rollington, who finally lets the guys know the difference between astrology and astronomy. After learning a few more definitions they do Horoscopes. However, Emma also has a list of topics the gentlemen were less than graceful in handling, and she sets them straight. For the last turd of the show the guys do the news. They have COVID news, more COVID news, followed by... COVID news. After some COVID news Carlos Townsend, a human, makes a surprise visit to give us his two cents on Joe Biden's attack on people like him, Anthony Fauci's short-comings, and people responsibility to bring about real change through voting. 

This week the guys pay tribute to one of the greats, Little Richard, a bad ass who never gave a shit and is now with our lord and savior! Van tells a story about him and his friend buying wieners and beer while violating Chicago's new Mormon-COVID-19 restrictions. Van also informs us about the nuances of animal consent. After that the guys welcome first time guest Uriel, Almost Positive's IT consultant to discuss remote meetings, increased productivity while working at home and administrative boomer demise due to the burden they are on the young, beautiful, and computer literate. After some tech talk the guys are condemned with walking us through centrist hell. A place where reasonable, fair minded people go to suffer the consequences of their sound logic! They talk about the divide of the media along political lines, using one's vote against their hated candidate rather than for someone they want to be represented by, and Sir Rollington then wishes the government could have provided him with a father when growing up so that he wouldn't have ended up dropping out of high school twice and living a life of poverty and crime. In the news the gentlemen welcome back the undisputed king of New York, Tekashi 69. They also dive deep into street culture, poverty, and the destructive aspects of religion, religion place-holders and why snitching is actually OK.

This week the gentlemen are all about inclusion and diversity. In yet another ill-advised PR move they try to bring in some new perspective. First they share the good news that Van Rollington does not have the coof and then they play a sad song for the poor people that are just now, in 2020, finding out that the two party system is a sham. Then they talk to Gaby, a political statistics expert who is also sociologist and long time friend of the guys. They touch on environmental injustices, red lining and prison reform, until Gaby has an unexpected guest, forcing her to cut the conversation short. Luckily the guys had another very special guest, Carlos Townsend, one of Almost Positive's most egregious detractors and critics. He shares various actually informative news stories including the Reopen America Again plans, killer hornets, and the impact COVID-19 has had on the nachos at his bar. They also learn that in a post COVID-19 world not even nurses can be trusted. Before closing, for some positive news we learn about San Francisco's strategy to provide their homeless drugs and medically appropriate amounts of alcohol so they don't go outside and spread the virus. Before they close they leave the audience with a great, practical piece of advice regarding how to avoid fogging up one's glasses while being a responsible citizen and wearing one's mask. 

This week the guys get into the letter Donald Trump sent every American that got Stimulus money, and why it was translated in Spanish on the back. They also get into the strange decisions one has to make when in positions of power and how things become less black and white. In Destination Unknown we learn proper rectal hygiene from Cardi B, how to transport cadavers in lieu of a refrigerated truck, and we learn about Portland drive-through strip clubs. In the news the gentlemen Talk about Joe Biden’s apparent speech impediment. In a surprising turn of events it comes to light that Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un might be alive. In Texas News we learn that The Netflix Waco show made Van Rollington cry, and they also find out that Alex Jones is planning on eating his neighbors. Canadians have their guns taken away after mass shootings and Amazon workers demand dignity, however this might interfere with timely deliveries, which is unacceptable. The show closes with an inspirational story about a house party in Chicago that refused to let the virus keep them from bouncing and breaking their backs.

This week's episode is a special bonus episode. A leaked classified broadcast where the guys take a deep dive into a few conspiracies. First they talk about Skinwalker Tapes a reputable source for all things Cryptozoology and conspiracies. After that they shed some light on Chinese involvement with Zoom, the cloud video and audio conferencing app that has taken over work, school and personal communications for many people throughout the nation. Since all roads in 2020 lead to China, they tackle the COVID-19 pandemic and the possible involvement of Bill Gates in the matter, as well as the possibility of it being a bio-engineered weapon to cease control of the globe. Strap in and be sure to wear your nicest tin foil snap back for this ride through matters better left unspoken.

This week Van and Sir Rollington are joined (FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW) by Jamal, aka, Jarome, aka Jairo who graced us for an entire hour and forty minutes with immersive background noise, the likes of which very few men can make so enjoyable. They also discuss their first shout out by long time internet comrade Klaus Neuhaus who is a frequent guest on The Skinwalker Tapes, a podcast where they discuss cryptids and conspiracies while getting intoxicated. The gentlemen also talk about screwdrivers, condom bombings, and the untimely murder of a homeless man by a very high nurse. They also dive deep into Fans Only pages, and sex dolls. Last but not least, the guys get into the news, where they talk about Little Rocket man’s health scare rumors, and shed some light on broke, droopy eyed, perverts. Of Course the guys close on some good news regarding glaciers and the fact that Almost Positive is now on ALL important streaming services!

Today's Almost Positive is our final testing phase episode. Essentially what people should expect, for better or worse. We discuss positive body image and the fact that Ken should also be made with different body types to be inclusive like Barbie. Van shares some lessons he learned from the Tiger King himself Joe Exotic. At some point, there’s a call made to a very grumpy and uncooperative Carlos Townsend, a long time friend of Van and Sir Rollington. Jamal aka Jarome, aka Jairo, calls in to share some enriching internet content in this week’s Destination Unknown. He brings is a movie review of the 2008 Korean disaster film “The Flu” where a gaggle of illegal immigrants sneak into Korea with a deadly disease. The gentlemen also take a quiz to find out with Christian Prophet Van is and what famous Illuminati person Sir is. He also shares a riveting article about a man who combated erectile dysfunction in the early 1099s by replacing men's’ testicles with goat testicles. Dial-up Daisy is compromised by a P.P.E. package received from Amazon. Jordan Peterson makes a shocking surprise appearance to respond to Sir Rollington’s teacher's critique of Peterson’s toxic masculinity. For some good news, we discuss Bernie’s campaign “suspension”. Before closing, we explore the positives of the quarantine including taking phone calls from work clients on podcasting equipment.